15 May Anxiety Dreams
For years I have had intermittent anxiety dreams about houses upstate that feel so real and connected that in the in between space that one encounters before fully waking they seem to slip from my alternate anxious reality into this one. I had one this morning and I was pulled in to this realm when I wondered out loud why I hadn’t lost the property for lack of paying my taxes. With that thought I was suddenly awake yet the dream was still very present and real. In that moment I had a sense of a whole series of complex and fleshed out anxiety dreams in which we had purchased a property but others were living in it, and we couldn’t get them out, couldn’t even consider it really. In other dreams I discovered a series of unused rooms. I realized that I had had many dreams like this that I didn’t remember when I woke, but that ran into each other in the dream state and piled up, the sense of them was of that of a recurring fantasy, a bad drama in its 4th season, that no one really watched. I didn’t remember details of the dreams in my waking state but I did remember the sense and feeling of anxiety that they entailed.
In my dreams space is very important. I need it desperately. Yet I feel powerless to stop people from invading my space. I sat down to type because I wanted to pull apart these dreams to unpack my stress and hopefully lessen this suppressed anxiety that is expressed in my dreams. However, as I type I feel queasy and I think I shall stop.